Burnout, Bedtime, and Being Enough: How Autistic Parents Can Take Care of Themselves

Being a parent is a full-time job. When you are an autistic mom or dad, it can feel even heavier. Some days are joyful. Other days feel like too much. You might be managing your child’s therapies, helping them with schoolwork, calming meltdowns, cooking meals, and trying to keep your own emotions balanced. It is easy to get burned out.

Learning how to care for your own mental and physical health is not just important. It is necessary. Research shows that autistic parents face extra stress, especially if they do not have enough support. The good news is there are ways to prevent burnout and take care of your family without losing yourself in the process.

What Is Autistic Burnout and Why Should Parents Care?

Autistic burnout happens when you use up all your energy over time and do not get enough chances to rest or recover. It can lead to exhaustion, trouble thinking clearly, emotional shutdown, and even physical pain.

Raymaker and colleagues in 2020 studied autistic burnout and found that it is different from regular stress. For autistic people, burnout can happen when you have to handle too many tasks, hide your struggles, or ignore your own needs to meet other people’s expectations. For autistic parents, the risk is even higher because parenting comes with daily responsibilities that never seem to stop.

Recognizing the signs of burnout can help you stop it before it gets worse. Some common signs include feeling exhausted all the time, trouble making decisions or focusing, losing interest in things you usually like, avoiding people or activities, and feeling hopeless or stuck. If you notice these signs, it is okay to take a break. Rest is not a weakness. It is part of taking care of your family.

Sleep Matters More Than You Think

Another big issue for autistic families is sleep. Studies show that many autistic children have trouble sleeping. Some stay up late, wake up in the middle of the night, or get up too early in the morning. When your child cannot sleep, neither can you. This makes parenting even harder and increases the risk of burnout.

Sleep is important because it helps the brain and body recharge. Without enough sleep, parents are more likely to feel stressed and overwhelmed. It also makes it harder to handle your child’s needs during the day.

Researchers recommend creating calming bedtime routines. This could include reading a story, dimming the lights, or listening to soft music. Keeping bedtime the same each night helps your child know what to expect. Some families also use picture schedules to show bedtime steps.

If sleep is still difficult, it is okay to ask your doctor for help. Some children benefit from melatonin or other safe sleep supports.

Being a Good Parent Is About Love, Not Perfection

Many autistic parents feel guilty for needing rest or for not doing everything perfectly. But research shows that what children need most is love and connection, not a perfect parent. Your child learns from you when you take care of yourself. They see that it is okay to rest, ask for help, and take breaks.

Try connecting with other parents who understand what you are going through. Support groups in person or online can make a big difference. You might find new ideas for managing stress, or you might just feel less alone.

Final Thoughts

Parenting while autistic is not always easy. But you bring special strengths to your family like empathy, honesty, and patience. It is important to give yourself the same care you give your child. Take breaks when you need them. Protect your energy. Remember that your child does not need perfection. They need you, just as you are.

References

Raymaker, D. M., Teo, A. R., Steckler, N. A., Lentz, B., Scharer, M., Delos Santos, A., and Nicolaidis, C. (2020). "Having all of your internal resources exhausted beyond measure and being left with no clean-up crew": Defining autistic burnout. Autism in Adulthood, 2(2), 132-143. https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2019.0079 

Cohen, S., Conduit, R., Lockley, S. W., Rajaratnam, S. M., and Cornish, K. (2014). The relationship between sleep and behavior in autism spectrum disorder (ASD): A review. Journal of Neurodevelopmental Disorders, 6(1), 44. https://jneurodevdisorders.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1866-1955-6-44 

Neely-Barnes, S. L., Hall, H. R., Roberts, R. J., and Graff, J. C. (2011). Parenting a child with an autism spectrum disorder: Public perceptions and parental conceptualizations. Journal of Family Social Work, 14(3), 208-225. https://doi.org/10.1080/10522158.2011.571539